November 19, 2005
· Filed under i've got a peaceful feeling
Oh, why do I procrastinate?
The following things MUST be completed by Monday…
1. War In Vietnam mid-term (which is SO incredibly late.)
2. Read “A Good Society”
3. Write A Good Society Paper
4. Write a Foreign Policy Brief
5. Read “When Heaven and Earth Changed Places”
6. Write a response paper
7. Create Foreign Policy White Paper Outline
8. Begin writing Foreign Policy White Paper
Oh. My. God.
Someone needs to pray for me, people, because I have waited way too long to do some of this stuff.
It’s going to be an arduous weekend.
November 14, 2005
· Filed under sass it on home
So, that’s my dad. My real dad. My birth dad. His name was Bryan McKay. I don’t know what his middle name was.
I don’t know very much about him. He killed himself in a shoot out with the police when I was two or so. I think. He worked in Las Vegas for a while. He had another daughter, my half-sister, Alex. I’m not very close to her either.
He was beautiful, wasn’t he? Like a 70s rock star. Tortured and damaged.
So, that’s half of where I came from, at least biologically.
November 13, 2005
· Filed under life
Why does everyone struggle with that question so much? It should be easy. We should be able to define ourselves without much thought. Instead, it seems impossible.
I know that I don’t like who I am. I know that I want to change. I know that changing seems impossible. Because there are so many things that I *want* to change. I want to change my body. I want to change my work ethic. I want to change the way people see me. I want to change the way I look at people. I want to change so much. I wonder if it’s at all possible.
I want to change my relationship with God. I don’t want to be just a fauxChristian, bopping around with a cross around my neck and an empty heart. And that’s how I feel. I feel so utterly abandoned.
But what’s the first step? The bible? Self-help books? Therapy? A life coach? How do I change any of it?
November 13, 2005
· Filed under friends
i carry your heart with me
(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it
(anywhere i go, you go, my dear)
and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling
e.e.cummings
Thoughts
November 14, 2005 · Filed under social commentary
What on earth is it that makes some people so mean?
Take a certain member of my college’s business staff. She seems so mean, and treats students poorly. I wonder if there’s some extinuating circumstance in her life that makes her appear so very hateful to those around her. Is she wonderful and loving to her family and friends, and it’s just the students she hates? Or is it something else? There are things you wonder about people. Things you want to ask, but know that it’s never going to be your place to do so. Things you want to know, but know that it’s never going to be a piece of knowledge that you obtain.
The interesting thingi s that there are so many people in our lives that we feel exactly the same about, whether they’re always mean to us or whether they’re extremely happy, don’t you ever just wonder what makes them that way?
I want to be kinder to people.
I want to be a better listener.
I want to be a better friend.
I want to be more thoughtful.
I want to be more reliable.
Those are my goals for right now. One step at a time, right?
In the meantime, I’ve just read a book, which I adored. “The Conspiracy Club” by Jonathan Kellerman is great. It’s not his usual Alex Deleware novel, and thus, a little fresher, a little more interesting.
That’s all for now.
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