November 28, 2006
· Filed under bloggy goodness, life
I have a 12 page history paper due Thursday. Haven’t started.
I have a 15 page history paper due three weeks ago (rough draft). Haven’t started.
I skipped both of my classes today – because I just didn’t want to leave me room. I feel like this often. Not like I don’t want to face the world or like I can’t deal with it, it’s just so much EASIER to stay in my room. I don’t have to take a shower, or get dressed, or stop reading blogs and writing silly stories or watching TV.
Terminal Laziness is apparently my problem. I hate my work ethic – people who can stay focused on their school work, actually do assignments on time, never miss a class, and always get things done astound, amaze, and confuse me. Is there a pill I can take to make me wake up for class on time?
Ho hum.
So begins my effort to post to my blog much more regularly. So I can have blog friends again! (Hi, Kari!)
November 28, 2006
· Filed under misery, sad times
i miss my blog friends.
no one reads me anymore — because i don’t write anymore!
i don’t write anymore — because i don’t have TIME.
I just feel stuck. I’m tired, and in love with someone who doesn’t know I’m alive; I’m overwhelmed with things I’ve committed to and underwhelmed with the response I’m getting from other people. I’m disorganized and behind and worse than that, apathetic. Why is it I can’t seem to follow through on things? why is my work ethic so weak?
i completely suck, is basically the point of this poorly written and short essay.
but i am still alive, contrary to the update schedule of this blog!
i miss you guys.
November 8, 2006
· Filed under boys
I wonder if you notice me. I mean, I just wonder what you see when your eyes fall on me.
I think I’m just another girl that you’re casually friends with.
You have no idea what you mean to me.
That’s okay, I think.
It hurts a little less every day. Mostly, it’s okay.
It has to be okay.
Because you don’t notice me.
(Also, if anyone can name that song, you get a cookie. A virtual cookie.)
November 5, 2006
· Filed under boys
I thought I was over you.
So why do I keep imagining scenarios in which I comfort you? Why do I keep imagining myself making it better? Why do I imagine the way it would feel to be the one who was there for you right now?
I thought I was over you.
Why am I imagining that you’re here? Why am I thinking this way? Why on earth can’t I just get you out of my head?
Seriously?
I thought I was over you.
November 4, 2006
· Filed under boys
i thought i was over you.
i thought it didn’t hurt anymore.
i thought i was stronger than this.
but then i saw you cry.
and it made me cry too.
why does it feel like this?
November 3, 2006
· Filed under misery
So… If someone could explain to me why I’m so unfocused in school, that would be great. I’m really down on myself, because I really just am not getting things accomplished. It’s taking me too long, I’m dropping classes when I get bored or they get too hard, and last semester, I completely crashed and actually failed a class.
I honestly don’t know why I’m so unfocused. I don’t know why I can’t buckle down and stop procrastinating. I don’t know how to be a good student. I know I’m smart but I’m not focused and dedicated.
If I’m going to graduate (late), then I have to take summer school. Where on earth is the money for that going to come from? Where am I going to live in the summer? What am I doing?
I’m feeling so anxious and discouraged right now. I have lousy time management skills, lousy money management, I’m apparently unable to budget or save money. I’m just frustrated with myself. I wish that things were easier and that I could focus more.
Just… down.
