Archive for March, 2007

Oh, y’all. I’m okay. Just prone to melodramatic si…

Oh, y’all. I’m okay. Just prone to melodramatic sighs and tearful confessions to my best friends.

Thursday night, I went to my church homegroup, a close-knit group of about 12-14 people who meet every week at “the boy’s house” to discuss life, love, Jesus, and all the rest. I was quiet during dinner, and then slipped outside to sit on the front porch.

It was quiet, and cold, and I sat alone, wrapped in a blanket. My friend J. came out, and sat beside me. “What is it?” He asked softly.

And I fell apart.

And it was okay. And I’m okay. Sometimes, you just have to lose it, so you realize that you’re okay. And sometimes, all you need is a hand holding yours and a few soft whispers into a cold March night.

I’m a lucky girl.

Sometimes, I lose sight of that.

Not today. Not tonight.

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The curious state of children’s clothing

Does anyone remember being completely eager to be grown up enough to shop in the juniors department? I think that I was 12 or so before my mother let me shop in the Juniors section. Before that, it was the kid’s section at Wal*Mart, Lands End, and Thrift Stores. Rightly so. What 11 year old should be wearing what a 15 year old does?

None, in my opinion.

Today, I stopped by the mall to return a fancy dress, and I stopped in the kid’s department. Much to my dismay, I saw clothes that look like miniature versions of the clothes that I, a 22 year old college student, wear.

Seriously?

When did we stop dressing little girls like little girls and start dressing them like tramps? When did it become acceptable to put a 5 year old in a mini skirt and a halter top and HIGH HEELS?

What messages are we teaching our little kids when girls are sex symbols of the elementary school playground? What’s wrong with a pair of jeans and a sweater? Your child can be stylish and fun without dresing like a college freshman tramp who’s gotten drunk on freedom.

Good grief. Cover up, little one.

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Still Here.

Still here.

(If you care.)

Still here.

Waiting, wanting, wondering.

Still here.

Fighting, failing.

Still here.

Confused.

Still here.

Disassociative identity.

Who am I?

College Student. Friend. Daughter. Discipler. Discipled. Blogger. Employee. Leader. Beloved Daughter of Christ.

Pulling, yanking, shoving, falling.

Demanding, needing.

Failing.

Too much. Too many things.

Still here.

Standing.

Alone.


Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for. – Dag Hammarskjold

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My first ever Meme(s)!

My Goodness. No memes ever, and now, suddenly, TWO memes. Both musically related. School is driving me crazy right now, so… enjoy! I tag anyone who wants in on anything. Everyone can play on my playground!

Here it is:

“List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what they are. They must be songs you are presently enjoying. Then tag seven other people to see what they’re listening to.”

My songs:

1. “Love Song for a Savior” – Jars of Clay.

She thanks her Jesus for the daisies and the roses…

2. “Like a Star” – Corinne Bailey Rae

Just like a star across my sky, just like an angel off the page,
you have appeared to my life…

3. “Chasing Cars” – Snow Patrol

Forget what we’re told, before we get too old…

4. “All The Same” – The Sick Puppies

I have the skill, yeah I have the will, to breathe you in while I can…

5. “I wish I was a Punk Rocker (With Flowers in my Hair) ” – Sandi Thom

I was born too late, to a world that doesn’t care…

6. “Gabriel and the Vagabond” – Foy Vance

And the tramp started to cry, just sayin’ why why why… I’m 32, and I’ve one pair of shoes, and a bad taste in my mouth. I think it’s clear to see, that even God don’t love me…

7. “Orphan Girl” – Gillian Welch

I have no mother, no father, no sister, and no brother… I am an orphan girl. But when He calls me, I will be able to meet my family, at God’s table… No more an Orphan Girl…

If your life was film what would the soundtrack be?

So, here’s how it works:
1. Open your library. (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For every question, type the song that’s playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button.
6. Don’t lie and try to pretend you’re cool.
7. When you’re finished, tag some other people to do it!

Opening Credits: For What It’s Worth – Buffalo Springfield

Stop, Children, what’s that sound, everyone look what’s goin’ down…

Waking Up: Nobody Does it Better – Carly Simon

Nobody does it better, makes me feel sad for all the rest…

First Day At School: Ordinary Day – Vanessa Carlton

Live while you can, don’t you see your dreams in the palm of your hand?

Falling In Love: When the Rain Comes – Third Day

I can’t stop the rain from falling down on you again, I can’t stop the rain but I will hold you ’til it goes away

Fight Song: Where’d you go – Fort Minor

I guess I’ve had it with you and your career, when you come back I won’t be here…

Breaking Up: Here’s to the Night – Eve 6

Here’s to the nights we felt alive, here’s to the tears you knew you’d cry, here’s to goodbye…

Prom: Cowboy Take Me Away – Dixie Chicks

Cowboy take me away, fly this girl as high as you can…

Life: Consuming Fire – Third Day

Yesterday was the day that I was alone, now I’m in the presence of almighty God… Yes, our God, He is a consuming fire, He burns down deep in my soul…

Making babies: Rain – Patty Griffin

It’s hard to listen to a hard hard heart, beating close to mine… Pounding up against the stone and steel, walls that I won’t climb

Mental Breakdown: Livin’ on a Prayer -Bon Jovi

Oh, we’re halfway there… Livin’ on a prayer…

Driving: Man In Black – Johnny Cash

I wear the black for the poor and the beaten down, livin’ in the hopeless, hungry side of town…

Flashback: I’ve got to see you again – Norah Jones (Ironic.)

Lines on your face don’t bother me, down in my chair when you dance over me. I can’t help myself, I’ve got to see you again…

Getting back together: Because of you – Kelly Clarkson

A smile, a laugh everyday of my life, my heart can’t possibly break when it wasn’t even whole to start with…

Wedding: When You Come Back Down – Nickel Creek

When you’re soarin’ through the air, I’ll be your solid ground. Take every chance you dare, I’ll still be there when you come back down…

Birth of Child: Baby, I Need Your Lovin’ – The Four Tops

Baby, I need your lovin’, got to have all your lovin’…

Final Battle: Sugar, We’re Goin’ Down – Fall Out

We’re going down, down in an earlier round, and Sugar, we’re going down swinging… I’ll be your number one with a bullet, a loaded God complex, cock it and pull it…

Death Scene: Lullaby, Shawn Mullins

She’s seen her share of devils, in this angel town but, everything’s gonna be all right… rockabye, rockabye

Funeral Song: World on Fire, Sarah McLachlan

Hearts are worn in these dark ages, you’re not alone in this story’s pages; night has fallen amongst the living and the dying… The world’s on fire and it’s more than I can handle

End Credits: Carolina In My Mind, James Taylor

In my mind I’m goin’ to Carolina, can’t you see the sunshine, can’t you just feel the moonshine, ain’t it just like a friend of mine to hit me from behind… Yes I’m goin’ to Carolina in my mind… Say nice things about me ’cause I’m goin’…

Overall, it’s actually rather accurate.

Tag. Your turn!

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Cool as a Cucumber. Not.

Last night, post-shower, I grabbed my Cucumber D0ve lotion, poured a generous amount into my hands, and began to rub it into my legs.

Something about the consistency was off.

I frowned.

Looked at the bottle.

Shower Gel.

Crap.

I live in a dorm with communal bathrooms. If I’m going to wash this off in the shower, I have to get redressed, walk down to the bathroom, get undressed, get into the shower, and wash it off.

So, I grab a bottle of water and my towel and wash it off that way. I have no shame in my laziness. It was 3am and I was exhausted.

Stupid shower wash.

***

In other news, the blind date was ridiculous. It included the words, “Yeah. I read your blog.” Good God. The awkwardness and discomfort born of that statement are still lingering. It ended well enough, on friendly enough terms, but certainly isn’t an experience I’m looking to repeat.

And in other news still, I have a job for the summer! A most excellent camp in Pennsylvania, where I’ll be most excellently teaching little girls how to bake cookies and make smoothies. Fantastic! It pays well, it gives me something to do, and I have a feeling it’ll be quite the adventure.

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redemption in three scenes.

Scene one. Grace.

“Dear Biblical Literature Professor. I know I am behind. (Six papers behind.) I am struggling. Can I finish this course? I need a good grade if I ever want to apply for Seminary… Please let me know. Thanks! Sassy.”
“Sassy — Of course you can complete the course. Catch up as soon as possible. You’re a bright student. I look forward to your input in class.”

Scene two. Praise.

“Sassy, the work you did on the Super Giant Recruitment Project was phenomenal. The whole time we were at the conference, everything ran so smoothly. All the files were in place, the folders we handed out to candidates was amazing. Thank you so much for your hard work.”

Scene three. Beauty.

With window open, I can smell the crisp cold air that filters in through long, soft tulle curtains. I ease down into my bed – clean sheets, down comforter, pillows just so. I can hear a train rumble by. The gurgle of the fountain out front.

Tomorrow, (later today, rather), I have a trip to the state archives to learn how to do original, archival research. I have a meeting with my professor to discuss said research. Then, I get to hang out with one of my friends, HP. Then, I have a blind date.

That’s right, a blind date.

That’s a story for another time.

Tonight, I have redemption in three scenes.

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no clever title available.

Spring break is over.

Nothing got done.

I’m a terrible student.

What I doing?

Wasting time?

Why is it like this?

Why can’t I just focus and get things done?

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I’m a mess. Don’t judge!



Thirteen Things that You Don’t Know About SassyBelle


1.
I miss my mother. But I tell everyone it’s okay that she’s gone. To make them feel better. As if that’s my responsibility.
2.
I have been arrested. For protesting the Iraq war. That was four years ago. It was supposed to be a quick war. Maybe it’s time to get arrested again.
3.
I love going to protests. Not the big, huge 100,000 people in attendance sort of protests, but the kind where it’s you and 10 other people with posterboards. It’s fun like that.
4.
When I meet a new boy, I wonder if he is The One. So far, he’s not.
5.
I hear a word (or phrase), and think: I have to use that in conversation soon. Examples include “obviate”, “yoke of oppression”, and “damnation.”
6.
I carry on entire conversations with myself in the car. When people look over, I hope they think I’m talking on the phone.
7.
I am hopelessly, effortlessly awkward. I think people like me anyways.
8.
I have never watched a full episode of Seinfield. I don’t care, okay? If it’s a show about nothing, then why should I waste my time on it?
9.
I have watched virtually every episode of America’s Next Top Model. All in the course of a week, actually.
10.
I have a crafty soul. But lack the skill. There’s creativity trapped up in my brain. I need to figure out a way to free it. Sometimes, it does escape, and the result is wonderous.
11.
I want to teach at a Christian school. And I want to homeschool my kids. Yeah. Seriously. I do. I would love to teach history at a private (obviously) school. Upper level history, preferably. And when I have babies, I want to homeschool them. I would kick butt at both.
12.
I have a serious love for polka dots. Shoes, sheets, dresses, shirts, paintings, dishes, screensavers, my Thursday Thirteen header… The list is endless. Polka dots make the world a better place. No. Seriously.
13.
I love comments. Okay, you probably knew that. It’s an extension of my desperate need for affirmation in life. Seriously. I’m an affirmation junkie.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

  1. Ridzuan
  2. Kimo & Sabi
  3. Raggedy
  4. Becky D.

Remember to leave a comment so I can add you to this list! Show me some affirmation love! I like making new friends...


Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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"Never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you."

I love to pimp out good causes, and this is about as good as it gets.

Did you know that in Northern Uganda, children commute to the city every night to sleep in the town square, hospital lobby, and utility tunnels damp from rain? Why would they do that, you ask? Because they’re afraid of being kidnapped and pressed into service in the Lord’s Resistance Army (I can’t tell you how much it turns my stomach that it’s called the Lord’s Resistance Army. The Lord does not support the creation of child soldiers.)

That’s right. Little kids are being ripped from their homes, desensitized to violence through torture and terror, and then sent out to rape, pillage, kill, and kidnap more. Little. Kids.

So, there’s the movie. And this organization. Called Invisible Children. And basically, they rock my life. They showed their amazing film at my church and I was fortunate enough to be able to hang out with some of the amazing roadies who travel around in jankity old vans to share the message about these kids.

This is another one of those things. That people shake their head at and say, “Isn’t the world a terrible place?” Yeah. The world is a terrible place. It’s broken and messed up and we’re all depraved. But there’s grace and redemption to be found. And those little kids in Uganda deserve grace and redemption as much as you or I.

So, go check it out. Show the Invisible Children some love. Their website tells you how to help. You teacher types? You’re just right for the Schools for Schools program. Broke like I am? Three dollars a week can help bring peace. Just, “Tri” it. Wonder what it’s like to lose everything? Get Displaced for a night.

Robert F. Kennedy once said, “As long as there is plenty, poverty is evil.” This is the worst kind of poverty. They’re not just poor. They’re under attack, by hunger, AIDS, homelessness, war, and the LRA. There is corruption and despair. But we can make a difference.

Watch the video. See it. End it. Just Tri.

The title of this post comes from Hebrews 13:5 (NIV). “Keep your lives free from love of money and be content with what you have. God has said, Never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you.”

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