Archive for life

The Prince? But didn’t you know…?

I have this friend. Well, I guess she’s not really a friend these days.

I have this girl I went to high school with. She’s obsessed with guys. Not in a dirty way, not that she sleeps around. In a way that drives her to buy books like “He’s Just Not That Into You” and constantly have away messages that say things like, “I’m so over boys, they’re yucky.” Followed hours later by, “Why won’t he just love me?”

I have never known anyone so boy crazy. She’s nuts. It’s all she talks about, all she thinks about. It’s inane, it’s obnoxious, it’s really just… it seems like a waste of time to me. How are you supposed to find a guy who IS that into you if all you’re doing is talking about boys? Go out. Do something. Be something. Figure life out!

However, I am boy crazy, too. In a different sort of way. I don’t babble about what evils the current Crush O’ The Moment has done to me, or lament the lack of good boys in the world. No, I just quietly long for a stable relationship. I pine for long-term comitment that involves sparkly diamond rings and regular Saturday thift store dates and the weeding of books that both of you own. (Who needs two copies of “A Rumor of War” or something similar? Seriously.)

I don’t really know what to do about this. I don’t want to date. I want to be in a Relationship. A Long-Term Relationship. (LTR, if you will.) It’s frustrating, and it makes me sad. Not in a… hang-out-in-bed-and-eat-ice-cream-all-day sort of way. More in a sigh-and-shake-my-head-when-I-think-about-it sort of way.

All I want is to get married, have a little house, buy organic vegetables, have a baby, and live happily ever after. And I don’t mean happily ever after in that way that some people mean happily ever after. I mean… The kind of life where you disagree and compromise. The kind where you sit in bed on Sunday morning, and read the New York Times and the Washington Post together, passing the two back and forth, trading quips and reading aloud from time to time. The kind of life where you weather tough moments and yell and then come back and make up. The kind of life where you raise great kids and love on your neighbors and build the Kingdom of God. That kind of happily ever after. Maybe I am boy crazy. But I think I’m okay with being this kind of boy crazy.

Until then, I’ll keep vintage shopping alone, pining for the green and purple (!) bungalow for rent down the street, and reading parenting books. Because, one day, I’ll find him. And he won’t be Prince Charming. He’ll have warts and issues and baggage, just like I do. But, I’m optimistic that between the two of us, we can manage the baggage we both carry. I’m optimistic that there’s someone out there who’ll love me like I deserve to be loved.

But waiting’s a bitch, isn’t it?

Title comes from the following exchange in Cinderella:
Cinderella: It’s midnight.
Prince Charming: Yes, so it is.
Cinderella: Goodbye.
Prince Charming: Goodbye? But you can’t go now.
Cinderella: Oh, I must, please.
Prince Charming: But why?
Cinderella: Uh, well, uh… the Prince. I haven’t met the Prince.
Prince Charming: The Prince?… but didn’t you know…?
(Sometimes, we miss what’s right in front of our very eyes, no?)

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If you didn’t know, he’s the son of a millworker…

This exact time, three years ago, I had just made a huge decision: I was going to accept an internship with this guy:

So, over the break, I did some things that were pretty mundane – made phone calls, ran errands around the campaign headquarters – neatly located in my very own hometown.

Then, Janurary rolled around and I signed up to take a trip, to New Hampshire. How does one normally get to New Hampshire from North Carolina? I would suppose that they fly, but I, intrepid intern, was going to drive. And not by myself. In a van, with a bunch of people I’d never met before. So, first, I had to catch a ride to Asheville.

The campaign arranged for a volunteer, a lovely, elderly man named Joe, to pick me up at my little college. I would ride with him to Asheville where we would all meet up with the rest of the group to caravan up to New Hampshire. So, Joe came to pick me up, in his newsboy cap and his white cadillac, and insisted upon carrying my bags to his car, and off we went! I found out that Joe had been quite involved in politics in North Carolina, working for several governors. He even knew my college president – he’d worked with her in the Lt. Governor’s campaign back in the early 80s! Joe knew everyone in the state of Noth Carolina, I think, from Bill Friday to Andy Griffith.

It was charming!

We arrived in Ashville, where the campaign had arranged that I would stay with a woman who worked for the governor and was a major supporter of John Edwards — her brother was his law partner, and she had often cooked them all spaghetti dinners with they were poor law students in Chapel Hill. The family was lovely – they lived in a precious little historical house in an affluent neighborhood. They called each other “Mom” and “Dad” and insisted upon treating me to dinner, because I was their guest.

We all left the next day, in two fifteen passenger vans. Up we all headed, an odd conglomeration of people. There was dear Joe, several other interns, a couple of middle aged people, one high school student, and some others I’m afraid to say I can’t remember. And of course, there was the residential crackpot.

We started the trek up north. We made a pitstop in Kingston, Tennessee, where someone jokingly threatened to lynch me. We stopped in Arlington, Virginia, where I and another intern stayed with a couple who were extraordinary – she had written for the Washington Post and he had been a staffer for Jimmy Carter. Jimmy Freakin’ Carter, people! We got to meet Elizabeth Edwards, at a subway station, where the first thing she said to us was, “All these layers sure make it hard to use the bathroom!” We picked up a (hot) young press secretary who was giving up his vacation to work for John Edwards. We drove and drove and drove, and we got there.

We went to Town Hall meetings and made phone calls and canvassed and ate huge spaghetti dinners with an exhausted staff, and I met the smartest, most exciting group of people I’ve ever known. It was amazing. Game on to the tenth degree. I learned so much, fell in love with a certain young press secretary, and most of all, became a true believer.

There was a charisma and inspiration and strength to John Edwards that I never could have imagined. Nothing convinced me of that more than seeing the people who were gathering to work for him, traipsing around New Hampshire in record level cold temperatures, knocking on doors, making phone calls, handing out literature.

When I went back to North Carolina, when that campaign ended, I was changed.

And now, it’s time again.

Game on. John Edwards ‘08.

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Oh, you find God’s grace in every mistake…

There’s a line in a cheesey country music song that says:

“When it’s cold outside, show the world the warmth in your smile.” The title to this post also comes from that song.

Cheesey or not, I’m working on taking it as my motto.

Things here at Casa de Sassy are going okay. I’m not going to be an RA next semester, which was a big blow to my self-esteem. I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to come back as an RA next fall, better than ever.

I’ve moved rooms. I now have a pretty little single room that overlooks the front lawn (well-manicured and expensive front lawn) of my college. I can hear the fountain at night and have a great view of the lights of downtown as well as the porch of the building. It’s a sweet deal… (I even have a pole in my room!)

It’s good to be on break, although my work schedule is more than a little challenging right now. As I told Lara over at Life, I’m sort of in a perfect storm with work right now, in that I have three part-time jobs, and everything is due for them, all at once.

So, all-in-all, things are good. I’ve been thinking about my blog a lot, and what direction I want to take it in. Inspired by all the other fabulous bloggers I read (take a look at my blogroll! They’re great!) I think I’m going to be a little more deliberate in my postings – ironic that Lara just posted such a post today! (Stop reading my mind, friend.)

I’ll be posting more in the next couple of days – thoughts on Christmas, my new room, my obsession with Target, and maybe, just maybe, a shoe post or two in the spirit of National Shoe Blogging Month. Y’all, I can do some shoes.

I love you guys — how’s life??

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we. never. close.

horatio caine…

oh, CSI: Miami. the love i have for you is matched by little. perhaps nothing.

nothing’s better than when horatio caine (wearing a black suit, even though it’s MIAMI) turns into the sun, slides his shades on, and says, “because we. never. close.”

or how they call him H. is it weird that i think he’s sexy? he’s like… old. but hot!

It’s the End of the World as We Know It…

things are not so hot regarding my whole situation. i’ve made some not great choices and am struggling to figure a way out of the whole mess. nothing life-threatening or truly world-ending, just… traumatic and upsetting for me. it’ll be okay, whatever happens will work out. right? right!

afterall, as horatio says: “tomorrow is what you make of it.”

Remodeling… Please excuse the dust…

i spruced up the ol’ blog. wanted a bit of a more cheery look.

what do you think?

just because i’m a geek…

“Bag it, tag it and let’s see what else is there!”

(sorry. couldn’t help it! i’m in love with horatio caine!)

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100 miles and a clear head…

Last night, I burned a CD, put on warm clothes, made sure I had my debit card and my keys, and I left school.

I just drove.

I had no destination, I just knew I needed quiet time, alone, in the dark to think. I drove out Highway 1, north. I made a pit stop for gas and a warm sandwich at Sheetz, and then continued on.

It was amazing. I drove out about an hour, and then turned around.

Something about the darkness and the music I’d picked and the sheer peace of it.

Gas is expensive, but solitude is priceless.

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I was born too late into a world that doesn’t care…

I have a 12 page history paper due Thursday. Haven’t started.

I have a 15 page history paper due three weeks ago (rough draft). Haven’t started.

I skipped both of my classes today – because I just didn’t want to leave me room. I feel like this often. Not like I don’t want to face the world or like I can’t deal with it, it’s just so much EASIER to stay in my room. I don’t have to take a shower, or get dressed, or stop reading blogs and writing silly stories or watching TV.

Terminal Laziness is apparently my problem. I hate my work ethic – people who can stay focused on their school work, actually do assignments on time, never miss a class, and always get things done astound, amaze, and confuse me. Is there a pill I can take to make me wake up for class on time?

Ho hum.

So begins my effort to post to my blog much more regularly. So I can have blog friends again! (Hi, Kari!)

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oh.

oh.

so.

tired.

move-in is tomorrow.

ten days of training done.

exhausted.

off to bed.

love you all.

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Accomplished!

I have managed to, after many, many years of wanting to do it, put allllllll my photographs into albums! Now, I always have ambitions of making those beautiful, complicated scrapbooks like you see on TV and in magazines, but I never quite manage. I always spend a (not so small) fortune on scrapbooking supplies and never do anything with them. Now, I finally have, at the very least, organized my photos.

A bazillion pictures split three ways:

- Run of the mill High School pictures
- Family photos
- Special Pictures (Riding, Governor’s School, History Club, and Pets)

It’s amazing how happy it makes me to get this done – FINALLY. It also makes me want to take more pictures of my “college experience”, since I didn’t turn up too many of those. I also need to order some pictures (prom & club) from my online service that haven’t been printed off.

How about you guys? How do YOU handle your photos? Any scrappers out there?

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Who am I?

Why does everyone struggle with that question so much? It should be easy. We should be able to define ourselves without much thought. Instead, it seems impossible.

I know that I don’t like who I am. I know that I want to change. I know that changing seems impossible. Because there are so many things that I *want* to change. I want to change my body. I want to change my work ethic. I want to change the way people see me. I want to change the way I look at people. I want to change so much. I wonder if it’s at all possible.

I want to change my relationship with God. I don’t want to be just a fauxChristian, bopping around with a cross around my neck and an empty heart. And that’s how I feel. I feel so utterly abandoned.

But what’s the first step? The bible? Self-help books? Therapy? A life coach? How do I change any of it?

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