March 6, 2008
· Filed under misery, sad times, what the hell?
News broke today that the Student Body President at UNC Chapel Hill, Eve Marie Carson, was murdered. She was shot five times, including once in the head, and dumped in the street. Police think it was a robbery.
I didn’t know her, but from what I’ve learned about her, she was an amazing woman. A Morehead scholar, a double major in political science and biology, a world traveler, a warm hearted young woman. I am just so sad for her family and for the whole Carolina community.
Say a prayer for Eve today, would you?
(I’m also sad for the other murder victims in North Carolina who won’t get nearly the press or attention, because they’re not high achieving, beautiful, young, and white.)
November 16, 2007
· Filed under NaBloPoMo, misery
Enter your password to view comments
September 13, 2007
· Filed under misery, sad times
Where the fight is too hard.
Where I’m so tired, I can’t seem to figure life out.
Where I’m watching the same scenes in Grey’s Anatomy over and over again because they make me cry and all I want to do is cry.
Where people aren’t answering their phones — because I’m not calling.
Where everyone’s walked out and I’m alone.
I’m just having one of those days.
March 12, 2007
· Filed under misery
Spring break is over.
Nothing got done.
I’m a terrible student.
What I doing?
Wasting time?
Why is it like this?
Why can’t I just focus and get things done?
January 26, 2007
· Filed under misery
Well, to be quite sure, I have failed miserably at the posting once-a-day challenge.
I’m also miserably ill. I’ve managed to contract both an ear infection and an upper respiratory infection. The ear infection can be addressed with antibiotics but the URI is a virus which must just run its course. Terribly bitter about that, naturally.
I’m doing well, I have to say. School is great. The semester is young but I’m committed and that’s a big difference from last semester. And my life at church is exceptional right now.
This is one of those update posts that is bad for a blog, but I’m afraid it’s all I can manage for now!
And I have to say, when Lady M posted a comment to ask me if I was okay… It warmed me, right down to my toes. Thanks, Lady M!
January 13, 2007
· Filed under SaBloBoMo, friends, misery
Scene: Matt’s Living Room. Thursday night. 6pm.
Him: “Why so sad, sweetheart?”
Me: shrug, sit down beside him on the loveseat.
Him: slides an arm around me. “You want to talk about it?”
Me: shakes head, snuggles close.
Him: Long silence. He strokes my hair, kisses my forehead.
Him: “What happened?”
Me: it’s hard to force the whisper out. “I just did something really, really stupid.”
Him: “It’ll be okay.”
Me: big, shaking sobs. my whole body heaves with emotion. I have never before moaned with emotional pain.
Him: Holds tighter. “I love you. It’s okay.”
Me: “God hates me. I’m so sorry.”
Him: “God never hates you. Don’t apologize. You’ve already been forgiven.”
***
Scene: Matt’s Living Room. Thursday night. 10pm.
I’m laying on the couch, my head in his lap. He’s stroking my hair with one hand, his other hand on my arm, holding me. Me: “I should go and let you sleep.”
Him: “Crash here.”
Me: “Okay.”
Him: “Can you stand?”
Me: “I don’t know.”
Him: “I’ll help you.”
Me: “I’m sorry.”
Him: “I know.”
He helps me to his bed. I crawl in, exhausted.
***
Scene: Matt’s bed. 3am.
Me: sobbing again. can’t breathe. can’t stop crying.
Him: wakes up slowly. “Sweetheart?”
Me: can’t talk. can’t breathe. can’t stop crying.
Him: spoons me, wrapping me up in his arms, kisses my hair. “It’s okay. You’re a good girl.”
Me: “I’m so scared.”
Him: “You’re safe. I have you.”
Me: “Don’t let go.”
Him: kisses my forehead. strokes my arm, holds me, murmurs softly, nothing in particular.
Him: whispers softly. “I’m not letting go. You’re safe here.”
***
Honest talk and real answers about sex and God in Lauren Winner’s “Real Sex: The Naked 
Truth About Chastity.”
She wrote Girl Meets God, as well as several other books and deals firmly with the challenges about being a Christian in a modern world soaked in sex. Excellent book, excellent perspective.
Also, she’s a cool girl. I met her at the Jubilee Conference in Pittsburgh, and she was COOL. She’s getting her Masters of Divinity at Duke University which is just down the road, and is friends with my chaplain. She’s cool!
Read the book. It’s good, I promise.
November 28, 2006
· Filed under misery, sad times
i miss my blog friends.
no one reads me anymore — because i don’t write anymore!
i don’t write anymore — because i don’t have TIME.
I just feel stuck. I’m tired, and in love with someone who doesn’t know I’m alive; I’m overwhelmed with things I’ve committed to and underwhelmed with the response I’m getting from other people. I’m disorganized and behind and worse than that, apathetic. Why is it I can’t seem to follow through on things? why is my work ethic so weak?
i completely suck, is basically the point of this poorly written and short essay.
but i am still alive, contrary to the update schedule of this blog!
i miss you guys.
November 3, 2006
· Filed under misery
So… If someone could explain to me why I’m so unfocused in school, that would be great. I’m really down on myself, because I really just am not getting things accomplished. It’s taking me too long, I’m dropping classes when I get bored or they get too hard, and last semester, I completely crashed and actually failed a class.
I honestly don’t know why I’m so unfocused. I don’t know why I can’t buckle down and stop procrastinating. I don’t know how to be a good student. I know I’m smart but I’m not focused and dedicated.
If I’m going to graduate (late), then I have to take summer school. Where on earth is the money for that going to come from? Where am I going to live in the summer? What am I doing?
I’m feeling so anxious and discouraged right now. I have lousy time management skills, lousy money management, I’m apparently unable to budget or save money. I’m just frustrated with myself. I wish that things were easier and that I could focus more.
Just… down.
