I have discovered some things about myself. I am a terrible daily blogger.
I think I am certainly capable of good writing and thought-provoking posts, but…
Not every day!
I just lack the time and discipline.
Which is a bit humiliating, considering the fact that I created a daily posting meme for the month.
As Pooh Bear would say… Oh, bother.
Scene: Matt’s Living Room. Thursday night. 6pm.
Him: “Why so sad, sweetheart?”
Me: shrug, sit down beside him on the loveseat.
Him: slides an arm around me. “You want to talk about it?”
Me: shakes head, snuggles close.
Him: Long silence. He strokes my hair, kisses my forehead.
Him: “What happened?”
Me: it’s hard to force the whisper out. “I just did something really, really stupid.”
Him: “It’ll be okay.”
Me: big, shaking sobs. my whole body heaves with emotion. I have never before moaned with emotional pain.
Him: Holds tighter. “I love you. It’s okay.”
Me: “God hates me. I’m so sorry.”
Him: “God never hates you. Don’t apologize. You’ve already been forgiven.”
He helps me to his bed. I crawl in, exhausted.
Me: sobbing again. can’t breathe. can’t stop crying.
Him: wakes up slowly. “Sweetheart?”
Me: can’t talk. can’t breathe. can’t stop crying.
Him: spoons me, wrapping me up in his arms, kisses my hair. “It’s okay. You’re a good girl.”
Me: “I’m so scared.”
Him: “You’re safe. I have you.”
Me: “Don’t let go.”
Him: kisses my forehead. strokes my arm, holds me, murmurs softly, nothing in particular.
Him: whispers softly. “I’m not letting go. You’re safe here.”
Honest talk and real answers about sex and God in Lauren Winner’s “Real Sex: The Naked 
Truth About Chastity.”
Also, she’s a cool girl. I met her at the Jubilee Conference in Pittsburgh, and she was COOL. She’s getting her Masters of Divinity at Duke University which is just down the road, and is friends with my chaplain. She’s cool!
Read the book. It’s good, I promise.
Two books today since I missed yesterday due to a severe case of serious exhaustion that required a face plant into my pillow at 10pm. I have a couple of major posts stirring, so stay tuned and I’ll manage to get past the dreck I’ve been churning out as of late.
March
ing right along… On a completely different note, my second book of the day. Something you may not know about me: I’m considering going to Divinity school after I graduate from my undergraduate years. In Divinity School, particularly the one I would like to attend, (Well, maybe here, here, or here) you dabble in a little thing we like to call Hebrew & Greek. Sounds terrifying doesn’t it?
So, for shiggles, I bought this book. Learn New Testament Greek. How’s that exploit going? Not that great. But, having bought the book, I feel proactive and dedicated. Besides, when someone sees it on my shelf, or beside my bed, they think I’m really smart. This semester, I’m taking “Introduction to Biblical Literature”, so I’ll get to study all sorts of different translations, plus write exegesis papers. I’m actually really excited, because… Well. I’m a geek.
So, now you know the complete extent of my geekdom – New Testament Greek and Miss Manners!
Until tomorrow!
Okay, so I joined Netflix. (I know, welcome to 2002.) However, I need recommendations and suggestions for my queue! You smart, talented people let me know what you think I should be watching, mmkay?
I’m moving back to school tomorrow, and I have mixed feelings about that situation. On one hand, I’m excited, ready to start a new semester. I’ve purchased my notebooks, labeled my dividers, and made ready a new planner. (A super spiffy, day by day. Appointment allotments for every fifteen minutes. Sweeeet.)
However, I’m also feeling really mixed. I didn’t have a good semester, last semester. I’m behind to graduate. I’ve been unfocused and unable to get things done.
I have to do better this semester, and I think I will be able to. I’ve made some changes (some voluntary, some not so much) that will hopefully allow me to manage my time better, to do better. I also have a lot of exciting things on the horizon. I’m going to rush a sorority, and continue my involvement at my church. It’s going to be good. I just… Hope that I can be more successful in the coming semester.
southern. Alas, this is a great book.
Allan Gurganus is a gay author who often focuses on my beloved south and lives in my hometown! He was kind enough to teach a writing workshop to my high school writing club when I was president, and I’m a fan of him.
This novel, Oldest Living Confederate Widow Tells All, is freaking genius. It’s incredibly long, sort’ve confusing, and completely amazing. It details a fictional interview with, well, duh, the oldest living confederate widow.
Lucy Mardsen married an old man, a veteran of The War of Northern Aggression, when she was just a girl. She was naive and innocent, and in chapters titled things like, “Simon’s Splendid Pocket Watch, Its Fate,” and “In Which Our Heroine Pretty Much Catches the Works,” Gurganus weaves a tale that baffles and bewitches.
It’s a long book, over 700 pages, but well worth it. The book could probably be shorter, but it’s important to understand – this isn’t a linear novel with a beginning, a middle, and an end. It reads more like a collection, an old lady’s muddled memoirs. It’s all written in the voice of Lucy, right down to all her silly sayings and deep south dialect.
A most excellent work from a very nice fellow. Furthermore, he has this comforting nugget of wisdom, “Novelists don’t really start life till turning forty. By that measure, as an artist, I am just eighteen. I have only just begun…”
I think I’ve run out of words for the evening. So, without further ado…
Searching for America’s Heart: RFK and the Renewal of Hope.
“Too much and too long, we seem to have surrendered community excellence and community values in the mere accumulation of material things. Our gross national product … if we should judge Amer
ica by that – counts air pollution and cigarette advertising, and ambulances to clear our highways of carnage. It counts special locks for our doors and the jails for those who break them. It counts the destruction of our redwoods and the loss of our natural wonder in chaotic sprawl. It counts napalm and the cost of a nuclear warhead, and armored cars for police who fight riots in our streets. It counts Whitman’s rifle and Speck’s knife, and the television programs which glorify violence in order to sell toys to our children.
Yet the gross national product does not allow for the health of our children, the quality of their education, or the joy of their play. It does not include the beauty of our poetry or the strength of our marriages; the intelligence of our public debate or the integrity of our public officials. It measures neither our wit nor our courage; neither our wisdom nor our learning; neither our compassion nor our devotion to our country; it measures everything, in short, except that which makes life worthwhile. And it tells us everything about America except why we are proud that we are Americans.”
- Robert F. Kennedy on the GNP
Oh, America’s Next Top Model. For the past week, I have done nothing but watch that show. All seven seasons of it. In a row. I did take breaks to sleep and shower, but other than that, I was a slug.
And I love it.
Miss J. Alexandar, a drag queen runway coach. Mr. Jay, a loving but bitchy art director. JANICE DICKINSON, the love of my life. If I could die, and come back as the biggest bitch ever, I’d be Janice. And of course, Tyra. I want to hang out with Tyra. She’s like, the older sister you never got but want.
Oh, man. The moments of hilarity never ended. Those girls were hilariously shallow, bitchy, and diva-tastic. These girls, who have never managed to make it anywhere, except to this reality TV show, think that they know all. It’s just good fun. And
Or maybe my life is lame – because I watched it for a WEEK.
Thus…
Day Six of the SaBloBoMo…
Really? Need I say more? Jaaaaanice.
Why am I sooooo obsessed with fashion and modeling? I don’t know. Check, Please! is definitely a memoir that dressed up like an advice book for Halloween – just what I was hoping for. Janice Dickinson is over the top, hard to take, and ridiculous. Fun times for a few hours.
I’m cheating and doing two, but the other one, Runway, with photos by Larry Fink, is just an amazing coffee table style book with a look behind the scenes at major fashion shows. High heels br
eaking, naked models, crazy hairstyles… It’s amazing. It was a major find for me at the flea market – $10!!
I love coffee table books (even though I have no coffee table) and this is no exception.
Thus ends our America’s Next Top Model Themed Post! Maybe my brain will start working again now that I’m not watching THE SAME THING ON TV FOR SIX DAYS. Maybe?
So! I have a couple of good ideas for posts that will come shortly, but I also have another question for you guys.
How should I handle comments?? I want to respond to you guys! Should I answer back in the comments? Will you read my responses if I do? Thanks to everyone who HAS commented. SaBloBoMo has had all sorts of new friends popping in!
My Thursday Thirteen’s down below, and in the meantime….
detective named Milo.
Devil’s Waltz is a tale that involves a little girl who’s mysteriously sick, and the mystery, the web of lies, surrounding her. It involes murder, sex, love, friendship, betrayl, high finance, and everything you could possibly want. There are dozens of Kellerman novels about Delaware, and each one is fascinating. They’re major pyschological thrillers, though there’s a lot of action in them, too.
Most notably, I’m head-over-heels in LOVE with Alex Delaware. Shut up, I know he’s fictional. I love him, all the same. I first read this book when I was 12 or so, and it completely transformed the way I viewed men at the time. Delaware is sensitive, adventerous, sexy, and loves kids. I adore him. I would marry him. No joke.
Read it. Love it. It’s such an amazing character. They’re not high literature – they’re reliably fantastic reads.
(Note: I think I might hit 100 comments with this post! Although, it’s a lame post. So maybe not. Sorry, dear reader!)
My winter break is slowly, slowly dwindling to a close, and I just can’t deal with it. I don’t WANT to go back to school. Gross. I’ve been laying in bed, watching America’s Next Top Model for DAYS. Seriously! Days! And I love it. Certainly, hour after hour of watching girls try to win a modeling contract… Is a useful application of my time.
No?
… No?
Sad.
In other news… There is no other news. I’m so uninspired today! Maybe watching ANTM for three days has rotted my brain?
Oh well. Not much to say today!
Does anyone have anything that want to know about me? Questions to ask? Curious about what detergent I use to wash my clothes? What brand of lip gloss I use? Ask! I’ll write about anything. Help me out here, people!
I love clever people
. I try to be clever and sometimes even manage to pull it off. However, clever can be dangerous and cross over into obnoxiously cocky. I find this particuarly true of travel books. Something about people writing an entire book about themselves doing things that they clearly find interesting WHILE commenting on the lives and cultures of other people… Eh. Not a fan. However. There are exceptions.
Avoiding Prision and Other Noble Vacation Goals by Wendy Dale. Such an amazing, hilarious book! Wendy Dale travels all over the world in this – Cuba, Beruit, Costa Rica – before she manages to fall in love with a man in prison. (I thought my love life was bad.) She almost starves in Central America, before finally putting her life right.
It’s an amazing travel book – she’s got warmth and personality that comes through in her writing. AND, when I emailed her, she emailed back and we corresponded about having a writing career!
That’s classy. And not at all cocky. Just the way I like it.
Check back in tomorrow for one of my favorite novels ever and for my first ever Thursday Thirteen!
Well, 2006 is gone. To that, I say, good riddance.
I hope 2007 doesn’t kick me in the teeth in the way 2006 did. There were victories, but also losses. I just hope there are more in the coming year. However, changes are afoot here at Casa Sassy.
As you can see, I’ve overhauled the blog. Let me know what you think! I, for one, am v. v. pleased with it. No more fussy flowers or violently bright colors. Calm. Soothing. Yet, still sassy. Next time I have such an atrocious template, will someone PLEASE TELL ME? (Indeed, switching to a new blogger template versus an old blogger template, PLUS a switch over to Firefox has been downright shocking and delightful.)
Furthermore, today kicks off the first day, not only of a new month, and a new year, but my posting challenge for January: a book I love, every day, all month long. If you’d like to participate, please do! There are no rules, except you must post a book every day. It can be a book you love, a book you hate, a book that impacted you. Whatever you wish. You may review it, or just tell why it matters; you may post a picture from Amazon or your own copy. Whatev. Up to you, faithful readers. (Feel free to nab that photo over there, it’s my first dalliance with photo manipulation/creation.) So far, it’s just me and Lara. Do join in!
Without further ado, here is the first lovely book that I love and adore:
To Kill a Mockingbird is one of those books. You know. That changes your life. I first read it as part of my 8th grade English/Language Arts Class. Being that I was in an honors program in my middle school, I had not one, but TWO periods of English. One with Miss O and one with Mr. S. So, they were both teaching the book to us. I became aware of a general cultural lexicon, in which educated people are just expected to understand certain references. We learned about actual events that happened around the time the book is set in — lynchings, false accusations, racism, poverty.
It was, for me, revolutionary. I was 13. My mother was dying. I lived in a rural area where my mindlessly liberal ways clashed with the conservative, preppy Southernness that surrounded me. Middle school is a particular hell on earth. And here was a book that discussed these themes, these things that swirled around in my head, like social justice, racism, danger, acceptance of those who were different.
Atticus Finch was my hero. I wanted to marry him. There was suddenly a definition of the South that was being mapped out. Suddenly, I was aware of the differentness of being Southern. Of what a loaded concept that was. It’s a brilliant book, a brilliant read. The sort of thing that makes you want to go do something. Change the world.
And that is book one. Day one. A new year, my friends. New hope.
New friends convict, old friends inspire…
January 2, 2007 · Filed under SaBloBoMo, bobby, social commentary
Love ’til you die
Shut your mouth
Raise the roof
Carbon Leaf
This year, it simply has to.
I must regain focus. I must get on task. I must succeed, finally succeed. I don’t know what it’s going to take. I don’t know what I can do. Therapy, study skills sessions, working out, going to class, taking care of myself, feeding relationships… It’s all threatening to overwhelm me. The things I need to do, the thing I need to fix to be a decent person.
Resolutions:
1. Start controlling my weight and dealing with my problems with food. (I have a new blog about this, but it’s private. If you’re interested, let me know and I’ll give you the access information.)
2. Go to class. Every single day. My attendance is a major issue. It creates grade issues, I lose points, I miss material, and I feel terrible but I skip class anyways.
3. Keep a better grasp on my assignments. When things are due. Lara’s Do-Due-Done list is something I’m hoping to steal for my very own and implement.
Bullocks. I don’t care. I “discovered” him in the 11th grade, when a remarkable teacher showed me the remarkable films
of his campaign in which people would literally run down the train tracks after his train. Robert Kennedy was a brilliant man, a passionate leader. His life was deeply marked by tragedy. The loss of his brother, John Kennedy, did something to him that most people could never understand. It altered him. He became uniquely able to understand the deep suffering of the repressed, the weak, the poor.Robert Kennedy: His Life opens a window to all of that. I drank it down, like a woman dying of dehydration. He made mistakes, but he also had an intense courage that inspires me today. I am a liberal, I am a political activist, and I am glad of that. I owe much of that to Robert Kennedy.
In 1966, he went to Cape Town, South Africa. At the University of Cape Town, he stood in front of an all-white crowd and decried racism, apartheid, and hoplessness. He encouraged the youth to act out, to take small steps. It was a dangerous thing to do. South Africa wasn’t exactly full of racial tolerance at that time – nor was America. But he did it. And he was incredibly well recieved. As he was virtually everywhere he went. The words from that address ring true, still today:
“It is from numberless diverse acts of courage such as these that the belief that human history is thus shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.”
It gives me courage, in troubled times. I am frustrated with the lack of political progress in this country, but I know I must soldier on. So it is, so it always has been. Thanks, Bobby.
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