March 6, 2008
· Filed under misery, sad times, what the hell?
News broke today that the Student Body President at UNC Chapel Hill, Eve Marie Carson, was murdered. She was shot five times, including once in the head, and dumped in the street. Police think it was a robbery.
I didn’t know her, but from what I’ve learned about her, she was an amazing woman. A Morehead scholar, a double major in political science and biology, a world traveler, a warm hearted young woman. I am just so sad for her family and for the whole Carolina community.
Say a prayer for Eve today, would you?
(I’m also sad for the other murder victims in North Carolina who won’t get nearly the press or attention, because they’re not high achieving, beautiful, young, and white.)
November 15, 2007
· Filed under babysitting, money, sad times
i think i am a cursed babysitter.
the mom i was babysitting for just emailed me to say that she won’t need me tomorrow, because I’m not a good fit for her kids (especially one of them), so she’s going to try out some other sitters.
if you’ll remember, this is the second nannying job i have procured this semester, only to lose. now, the first one, the mother-in-law came to watch the baby, so that was through no fault of my own. but i’m just incredibly frustrated.
i know that it is her decision, and her kids, and her choice. but, honestly! i hate this aspect of childcare, how you can just get let go on a whim. i also hate that i turned down a job opportunity with a non-profit (as an admin assistant) because i had committed to the hours she needed. i’m just frustrated, and disheartened. what the hell is wrong with me? am i cursed? honestly.
so now, we’re about six weeks away from Christmas, i’m incredibly broke, and i have no job. that’s just great.
September 13, 2007
· Filed under misery, sad times
Where the fight is too hard.
Where I’m so tired, I can’t seem to figure life out.
Where I’m watching the same scenes in Grey’s Anatomy over and over again because they make me cry and all I want to do is cry.
Where people aren’t answering their phones — because I’m not calling.
Where everyone’s walked out and I’m alone.
I’m just having one of those days.
April 18, 2007
· Filed under sad times
These are my people. These are students. They are like I am. They have facebook accounts and cell phones and they wear the flip flops I wear.
(A funeral home worker spoke of the horror. Not only of the horrific gore, but of the constant ringing and vibrating of the dead victims’ cell phones as people desperately tried to reach them.)
They are rabid sportsfans.
(They are in the conference I consider my own.)
They are annoyed at exams. They are stressed about papers.
(It is that time of year.)
They are friends and girlfriends and sisters and sons. They are student reporters, student leaders. They are Resident Assistants.
(Res Life tends to own your soul, you know.)
One of the people killed was an RA. I can only imagine that chain of events. Sitting in your room, at your computer. You hear a noise. You stand, you go to investigate. You know that it’s your responsibility to protect your floor, to keep sanity. And then you’re killed. Doing your job.
(Would I have died for my residents? I don’t know.)
These are my people. They are victims, powerless and broken. They are survivors, strong and proud. They are crying and I am, too. In the face of unspeakable evil and tragedy, I raise my eyes to a God of compassion, love, and adoration. Hokie Maroon and Orange are my colors. My heart bleeds for them.
“This is a tragedy in American history. So for today, forget any and all of your college affiliations. For today, we are all Hokies.”
We are
Virginia Tech.
April 17, 2007
· Filed under sad times
Oh, Virginia Tech.
All I can do is pray and hope for the families, friends, and community there.
Another candle.
Another tragedy.
My heart just hurts.
I hope my friend Miki is okay. I don’t know. I haven’t heard anything about her.
Oh, Virginia Tech.
I’m so sorry.
(This is my 100th post, but somehow, that point rings bitterly useless right now.)
April 12, 2007
· Filed under sad times
I did not know them until now. But at her request, I light a candle. For him. For both of them. And for their children.Peace in Christ.
March 29, 2007
· Filed under sad times
Still here.
(If you care.)
Still here.
Waiting, wanting, wondering.
Still here.
Fighting, failing.
Still here.
Confused.
Still here.
Disassociative identity.
Who am I?
College Student. Friend. Daughter. Discipler. Discipled. Blogger. Employee. Leader. Beloved Daughter of Christ.
Pulling, yanking, shoving, falling.
Demanding, needing.
Failing.
Too much. Too many things.
Still here.
Standing.
Alone.
Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for. – Dag Hammarskjold
January 8, 2007
· Filed under SaBloBoMo, bobby, sad times
I think I’ve run out of words for the evening. So, without further ado…
***
Day Seven of SaBloBoMo. A continuation of my love for an American hero.
Searching for America’s Heart: RFK and the Renewal of Hope.
“Too much and too long, we seem to have surrendered community excellence and community values in the mere accumulation of material things. Our gross national product … if we should judge Amer
ica by that – counts air pollution and cigarette advertising, and ambulances to clear our highways of carnage. It counts special locks for our doors and the jails for those who break them. It counts the destruction of our redwoods and the loss of our natural wonder in chaotic sprawl. It counts napalm and the cost of a nuclear warhead, and armored cars for police who fight riots in our streets. It counts Whitman’s rifle and Speck’s knife, and the television programs which glorify violence in order to sell toys to our children.
Yet the gross national product does not allow for the health of our children, the quality of their education, or the joy of their play. It does not include the beauty of our poetry or the strength of our marriages; the intelligence of our public debate or the integrity of our public officials. It measures neither our wit nor our courage; neither our wisdom nor our learning; neither our compassion nor our devotion to our country; it measures everything, in short, except that which makes life worthwhile. And it tells us everything about America except why we are proud that we are Americans.”
- Robert F. Kennedy on the GNP
November 28, 2006
· Filed under misery, sad times
i miss my blog friends.
no one reads me anymore — because i don’t write anymore!
i don’t write anymore — because i don’t have TIME.
I just feel stuck. I’m tired, and in love with someone who doesn’t know I’m alive; I’m overwhelmed with things I’ve committed to and underwhelmed with the response I’m getting from other people. I’m disorganized and behind and worse than that, apathetic. Why is it I can’t seem to follow through on things? why is my work ethic so weak?
i completely suck, is basically the point of this poorly written and short essay.
but i am still alive, contrary to the update schedule of this blog!
i miss you guys.
September 23, 2006
· Filed under sad times
my cat died.
he was 16 years old.
I’d had him since kindergarten.
